LA Weather Girls

Did I get your attention? Did you think this blog had taken a surprising turn for the smutty? Yes, it did. But only in pursuit of academic scrutiny of a phenomenon that seems to have expanded since I left Los Angeles four years ago: the ridiculously skanky local TV news girl.

Now, I know I have Binghamton-goggles on, since the weather and news people in upstate NY were not even "easy on the eyes," much less smoking-hot. But seriously, the women I see on TV in LA look like blow-up dolls! And their clothing seems totally inappropriate for a business setting. How come the (mostly old) guys get to wear suits?

Where are the normal looking women, wearing blazers to inspire respect and not attract inappropriate attention to their physicality? Apparently they are all about the messenger, and not the message, these days. But before I dismiss these women as all-boobs and no-brains, let's inspect a bio . . .


SHARON TAY: This gal's LA CBS-affiliate bio says she is a "five-time award-winning television news journalist." The lack-of-specificity raises questions: which awards did she win? If they were Emmys, wouldn't the bio say so? Something tells me that at least one of her "awards" was something akin to making FHM's "Hot 100" or something. Which brings us to . . .

ELITA LORESCA: This chick really takes the cake. Her boobs are just . . . indescribably huge. LA is known for having no "weather" to actually report, so I guess it is perfect that there are such distractions on the screen, because it's not like you are missing anything if you aren't catching that it's going to dip to 72 degrees by Friday. Elita was voted "Sexiest newscaster" by FHM magazine. Elita's bio indicates that she earned a Certificate of Broadcast Meteorology from Mississippi State University. I could be totally wrong, and MSU could be the Harvard of TV weather or something, but last time I checked a "certificate" is more something you get in "nail technology" and not exactly a heavy academic degree. Just sayin'.

Speaking of MSU, let's go to . . .

VERA JIMENEZ: In her defense, I couldn't readily find any quasi-porn photos of her online, like the other two ladies. But her bio is just so . . . flimsy. We learn that she graduated with her AA degree (certificate?) from Santa Ana Community College, but earned her BA in Religious Studies (perhaps explaining the lack of availability of near-naked photos of her?). But this is the kicker: she is in the process of earning the all-powerful Meteorology Certificate (is that what they issue to speeding comets or something?) from Mississippi State University. And clearly it will be earned via correspondence, right?

Come on, Vera, you seem sweet and are so darn cute that I would even entertain the possibility that your not-found-in-nature tiny lower body and gigantic upper body might actually be a naturally occurring phenomenon. But your online bio is awful. Examples: you say that your "dream interview" is with "anyone dead." Can't you give me some more meat? I mean, on your resume, that is? Check out the smart and properly-attired LA news anchor, whose bio actually specifies which professional awards she has won.

I know, I know, all of this makes me sound like a terribly catty, ugly woman. But come on, people, seriously. The local news affiliates' decisions to put these scantily-dressed, unnaturally-buxom women on TV is really sort of disturbing.

And I know I also sound old, but when I was growing up in LA, THIS was what we had to look at: Dr. George Fischbeck!!